Submission to a Master/Mistress

 

 

 

 

 

What do you mean when you offer to serve?
What do you mean when you offer to be of service?
What do mean when you offer yourself in servitude?

Do the answers to these questions bring up visions of you being bound helplessly while being exquisitely tortured, teased to the verge of orgasm?
Do you envision some Amazon Goddess sporting a huge strap-on taking you anally?
Do you envision yourself prancing around in some French Maid Costume and being asked to provide oral service to a Master/Mistress?
Do you envision some man/woman squatting over your helplessly bound body “forcing” you to serve Him/Her orally?
Do you envision being put over His/Her knee and spanked like a naughty little boy/girl?
 
Yes, nice visions aren’t they? However, not one of those visions is the definition of “serve”, “service” or “servitude”. Oh, I’m sure you consider them to be just that, but if you check your dictionaries you won’t find any mention of French Maid Costumes or bondage or strap-ons or oral sex or any other fetish you may enjoy.
In fact you won’t find any mention of fetishes at all in the definitions.

Serve is defined as:
1. to work for, be a servant;
2. to act in a specific capacity;
3. to place food before, wait on;
4. to be of assistance to.

Service is defined as:
1. the occupation or duties of a servant;
2. the act or means of serving;
3. duties performed as an occupation.

Servitude is defined as:
Servitude is one's service and Obedience to another


 

Submission to a Master/Mistress slavery.

When you offer to serve a FemDom, what you are offering (or should be offering) is the surrender of your control. You should know Him/Her well enough to trust Him/Her with your life. When you offer your servitude to Him/Her, you are telling Him/Her that you trust His/Her judgment, you trust Him/Her to keep you safe from harm, you trust Him/Her to know what is best for both of you, you trust Him/Her decisions and desire to follow His/Her orders and obey Him/Her in all things. Your offer of service is your ability to let go of your ego and your free will (control) and allow Him/Her to control you.
Serving is, first and foremost, the act of making His/Her life easier. It is compliance with all His/Her desires, wishes, and orders. Yes, BDSM and fetish play more than likely will be included as part of the relationship. But overall, the D/s aspect of the relationship will be where you have turned your control over to Him/Her and do as He/She says.
Everyday life will be part of this, for most people do have to work, bills do have to be paid, people need to see doctors occasionally, and dentists. Then there are family get together, family emergencies, social gatherings with vanilla friends and also with D/s friends. For the most part, life will seem pretty vanilla, but there will be one difference. IF you have truly submitted, then your actions will be measured by how your Master/Mistress would feel about it. Your decisions will be based upon what you are allowed or not allowed to decide without His/Her permission. You will treat others with respect. You will consider that your actions would reflect back upon your Master/Mistress and therefore act in a manner that would make Him/Her proud of you. There may be other constant reminders: He/She may insist you wear panties under your clothes at work. But you will always remember that you have submitted to Him/Her and will honor that commitment.

How can you serve your Master/Mistress – what are the ways?

Here are some suggestions:

Make sure His/Her home is clean and neat.
Make sure His/Her clothes are clean and neat.
Prepare His/Her favorite foods for.
Prepare His/Her bath.
Rub His/Her feet after He/She comes in from working all day.
Offer Him/Her a massage if His/Her day was very stressful.
Offer to do His/Her manicure and pedicure.
Have His/Her favorite music playing or find His/Her favorite show or movie on TV.
Surprise Him/Her with gift's.
Serve Him/Her coffee as soon as He.She gets up in the morning.
Ask what clothing He/She wants laid out for Him/Her.
These are just a few of the ways you can serve Him/Her once you have been trained in what He/She wants and likes. Don’t be afraid to use your imagination to surprise Him/Her (provided of course that He/She has no problem with you doing this occasionally).
A happy, contented, pleased, relaxed Master/Mistress is a Master/Mistress who will then have no problem torturing you, using you, or even indulging you with a fetish or two that are your favorites…………just to show you how much He/She really appreciates your service and submission to Him/Her.

So, what are you offering?

1) Personal service only (oral, massage, bathing)?
2) Play sessions only (spankings, face-sitting, strap-on, whippings, flogging) play-time?
3) Domestic service only (household chores, errands)?
4) OR are you offering Him/Her the whole package?
These are the things you need to be clear about in your own mind first and foremost before approaching a Master/Mistress and offering to “serve” Him/Her.

And remember your gift is your submission, this is a precious gift and needs to be taken care of by the right Dom/Domme.

Hot Wax Play

BDSM Techniques - Hot Wax Play

Hot Wax Safety for BDSM Scenes

Hot Wax Play in BDSM Scenes can be highly erotic and can be highly dangerous. It's no fun at all to have a burning pool of wax collect in your most intimate parts, or to try to escape from rope bondage in a room filled with smoke and burning curtains, all because your Top hasn't learned the basic safety requirements of Hot Wax Play. As with any BDSM exploration, safety comes first - ALWAYS.
Preparing for Play
• A thin film of mineral oil or even baby oil on any skin to be waxed makes removal much easier and can be a fun erotic piece of the scene in itself
• Spread an old sheet or tarp over the play area, to protect your carpet or furniture
• Bring a flat hard surface near to the play area to hold your candles, wax pots and other toys securely - this helps avoid spills (unwanted spills) and prevents accidents, like tipped-over candles, etc.
• Put a romantic or edgy CD on continuous loop, so that you don't have to stop the scene to put in another piece of music. Once you are fully engaged with your partner in the erotic wax play scene, stopping abruptly can cause major 'sub drop'! (Sub drop is also known as submissive drop and can be extremely upsetting, emotionally)
• Gather all your scene stuff before beginning play - wet washcloths or towels for instant cooling of wax, ice in a bowl, a mini-fire extinguisher you can purchase from any auto parts store, and anything else you can think of to keep your submissive and your home safe.

Variations of Wax Play
Dripping, Pouring, Ladling, Painting, Feathering are all common ways to apply the hot wax to the bare skin. Dripping is self-explanatory. Pouring can either be from a container of heated wax or from the wax candle itself. Ladling is exquisite; as long as you have made sure the temperature of the wax is low enough not to cause burns or intense discomfort. Painting delicious wax graffiti on your lover is amazingly erotic! From paintbrushes to feathers, Q-tips to eye droppers, try painting your name or simple scrolls and designs.

SAFETY NOTE: We recommend wax no hotter than 120-125 degrees Fahrenheit (49-51 Celsius), to avoid burns, heat rash and even blistering!

Specific Safety During Wax Play Scenes
Wax Temperature: It bears repeating, high temperature wax burns! Try a soy wax at a low temperature melting point, or the cheapest cheap candles from the dollar store. Additives are put into candle wax to harden them, or to add scent and color. Cheap soft white candles tend to be the lowest melt temperature wax, because of the lack of additives, such as stearic acid, but other issues may also arise. Consider the submissive's known allergies to scent and oils in scented candles. my Master also buy his candles at a grocery store and most of the time the cheap white one's and they are perfect for use and not expensive at all.. for a $2.00 you have a few candles.

Pooling Hot Wax and Your Intimate Crevices:
A drop or two of hot wax on a submissive's back is totally different than a molten pool of wax gushing down the cleft of their bottom and gathering into a painful, blistered pool on their anus.!

Wax and Hair Make for Pain Play You Might Not Have Planned:
Body hair can be somewhat protected from wax, and cleanup made easier, by coating the hairs with baby oil or mineral oil before wax play begins. Of course, if pain play is part of your scene, you can 'pull' the wax off with a flea and tick comb (the kind with very fine, very small teeth); scrape it off with a knife blade or even better, an old credit card. Some seasoned hot wax players flog the wax off or cane it off, as part of their scene! Personally, my Master always pull it off with his hands by rubbing my back or breasts.

Shouting "FIRE" in The Middle of Your Scene is NOT Erotic!:
As always, think 'safety'. Keep burning candles and flames away from any flammable materials. Never leave any flame unattended, not even when you finish the hot wax play scene and are lying together lost in erotic bliss!
So, think through your own wax play scene, discuss it between partners, plan for every foreseeable event in your hot wax play scene, and most importantly - ENJOY the warm, sensuous hot wax adventure. Stay safe and play smart, and you can enjoy many erotic adventures with your partner!
Safe,Sane and Consensualat all times!

submissive VS. slave

BDSM Submissive VS. Slave: Is There a Difference?

What Makes Someone a Submissive and Not a Slave?

In a lot of circles, the terms submissive and slave are used interchangeably. In others, submissive is designated as a different level of submission than a slave is. The basic distinction made in most circles is that a slave is property and a submissive is not. The submissive chooses when they submit and to whom them submit, while a slave submits completely at all times, no matter who they are submitting to.
In some circles, this is how things work. In others, there is more distinction. A submissive seeks out only casual contact. A slave seeks out ownership. To be owned, to give themselves fully to another person. To give oneself to another, allowing them to make all decisions. They have no freedoms, they have no rights. They are nothing more than a piece of property to be used at their Master or Mistress' whim.
Submissives retain their rights and freedoms. They have a say in their submission. Owned or seeking, a submissive retains their rights in the relationships they enter into. They still make their own decisions, freely and openly. They set their own limits and are only owned until they choose not to be. Some who read this will say, "but that isn't submitting." It's not hard to think this because in a lot of ways, it can be viewed that way, however, dominance and submission isn't based on rights and freedoms. The level of dominance or submission comes from other aspects of the relationship, after limits are discussed.
Either way, submissives and slaves are individuals. Each and every individual is different. Each relationship is different and how we conduct ourselves in each relationship is different. The determination of submission versus slavery is in the conduct of the relationship, For instance, one can submit sexually, while outside of the bedroom they are an equal partner in the relationship. One can submit when it comes to household chores, yet in other areas of life, they are an equal with their partner. Submission can go even further as well. If a submissive chooses to live within a relationship where the dominant controls every aspect of their life, from what they wear, to what they do during the day and how they are to do it, then it crosses from submission into slavery.
Much like in the days of southern slavery, every aspect of the submissive's life is controlled. However, unlike southern slaves, the submissive chose this lifestyle, they chose to give themselves to another. They also can choose to no longer be a slave by either ending the relationship or redefining it with their partner. A slave in the BDSM lifestyle lives in a total power exchange relationship with their Master or Mistress by their choice and their willingness to give themselves to another. Sometimes it will be said that a slave's only escape is death of their partner, but this is not really the case in a proper relationship, no matter whether it is Master and Slave or Master and Submissive.
Like any other relationship, every definition is another label given by society. It's up to the couple to define their label to suit their needs.

Link's for you to Follow us

 

Here we have the following link's for you to start following us everywhere where you can and make sure you don't miss a thing!

 

 Join us on Facebook       Follow us on Pinterest

     Follow Master Grimm on About.me           Follow us on Twitter

                                      Follow us on Tumblr         Follow me Nalani on about.me

slave registered number

https://www.slaveregister.com/

 

For some people it makes it complete when they can be registered and as sub/slave it makes you feel more proud than that we already are, specially when your Dom/Master telling you that He had done something special for you, like my Master had done for me (showing the picture of my personal certificate)...

 

The Slave Register (TSR) provides a central place for the registration of slaves and submissives. Each registration is assigned a unique Slave Registration Number ("SLRN"), and owned submissives and slaves can display an ownership certificate. You can create and maintain a registration here on the www.slaveregister.com website.

slave Branding

Branding,

From this point out I speak out of my own experience, which has took place two and half years ago on Fathers day and was done by my Master Him self, of course my Master took His time for this to do research and to watch lot's of video clips's about how exactly to do a personal branding...

First of all don't do anything in a rush, this takes times, patients, research and watching videos about how it needs to be done which you can search online.. Getting branded is a extremely painful experience this i can't and i won't denial!

It is a deep commitment you make as sub/slave to your Dom/Master, but also as Dom/Master you need to know what you are about to going to do!

The Moment of Branding,

Make sure the iron, stainless steel iron, branding symbol is and needs to be cleaned and disinfected, make the skin clean first or take shower, as Dom/Master be calm don't get stressed out otherwise it isn't the right thing to do! Make sure that you as sub/slave wear no clothing..

The iron needs to be hot, but be careful at all times where you do it.. if you see that the branding iron start smoking a little this means that it is the time, the moment has come to put your brand on your sub/slave..

Don't get shocked because it can be smelly.. than put the iron on the spot where you want it on you sub/slave but only for 3seconds! No Longer!!

You sub/slave will start screaming and crying (which i did) because right after the brand has been placed you start feeling the pain and a little the smell of you burned skin.. it's alright scream it out, yell it out, cry it out!!

My personal experience was that my Master putted directly A&D Ointment on it right seconds after it was done.. i was still a little in shock but Master comfort me by holding me and told me i was a Champ and we both started laughing!!

So what do we got to watch for?
-Cleaned & Disinfected branding iron
-Clean skin
-A&D Ointment
-No clothing or comfortable clothing depends on where the brand comes
-Several times a day cleaning and new A&D ointment on it
-Infection can be possible, get Antibiotics cream
-Lot's of after care and keep a eye on it!

Any questions you have feel free to ask, i will be honest at all times! And i hope you as Dom/Master and as sub/slave take your time and do research!

I also would like to put out a reminder that this is NOT a game!! and think about where exactly you going to get branded or where you going to put your brand on your sub/slave.. every part of your body is different... Think,Learn,Research and Read about it before doing it!!

slave nalani

The moment has almost arrived to see each other

 

 One day, I had my worse day ever! Since I found this special Man online, my sleep schedule was all messed up because of the huge time difference. I tried to stay awake as long as possible, drinking coffee like crazy so I could stay in contact with my new Master as long as I could! Every day, I woke up at 6am and went to bed at 2 or 3am in the morning, only to wake up again at 6am, just to make sure I didn’t lose contact with Him. He told me from the beginning that he wanted to wish me sweet dreams and tell me he loved me before I went to sleep. If I didn't tell him that I was going to sleep, I would be punished by Him not talking to me a whole day!

One night I fell asleep like a rock! Passed out! I jerked awake shocked! There it was! The one message from Him I never wanted to get! "This will be your punishment", He wrote. I cried hard that whole day! I wrote Him begging Him for forgiveness. My eyes were swollen I didn't eat because I was so upset! How could I do this to him? I looked at the pictures of him that I had printed out and framed. I looked at FB and no response! I cried so much and was hurting so badly that I punished myself by pouring hot candle wax over my breasts, which caused blisters to form. My mind was empty. I thought that I had lost him, because this was my first punishment and I didn't know how to handle it.

The next day, my breasts were hurting because of the candle wax. It reminded me of what had happened. My mind was back on earth again, and after I had finished housework, I looked on FB and found two messages from Him in my inbox!

I was almost too nervous to open them, but I did. He wrote me that I was forgiven and explained to me how important it was for Him to wish me good night and tell me that he loves me. As a truck driver, it isn't easy out on the road and you never know what is going to happen! He felt sorry for me that I had burned myself with the candle wax and told me that if he could be with me, he would have taken care of it. I cried when I was reading his letter to me. I cried so hard I could barely read it through the tears. I cleaned up my face and calmed down before going back to my laptop and writing him back with " i am sorry Master, please forgive me Master. It won't happen again. It was my fault Master and i deserved Your punishment". Fighting back new tears, I wrote him that I love him and told him how much he means to me! He responded back shortly after I sent the message saying he loves me more and that I am special to him. Everything was back to normal again and we both felt better!

After a few days, we had another conversation about moving to be together. He had told his family about possibly moving to Europe to be with me and most of his family supported his decision. Some family didn’t agree and couldn't support that decision. His friends were excited. Only one of his friends told him that it was just some Internet thing and wasn't real. I was hurt by that because all we wanted was for our fairytale to come true! Master asked me how I felt about going to him in the United States of America. For a moment, I was quiet and he said "Hello? Are you there?" I answered with "Yes Master! I would love that!" I was one happy little slave with a big smile on my face!

So I told him that I would do everything to come to him and he was excited and happy! After all, what did I have to lose? Nothing at all! I didn't have any family. My mom died when I was 16years old. I didn't have contact with my father or bother, so what could hold me there? Nothing in my opinion! He told me to come out in the summer of 2011 and that we would do everything to make this bond we had created stronger and turn it into reality. I could serve him 24/7 as his slave. He would train me and teach me everything! Wow my life turned completely into a different life than how I lived before I found him! It was January 2011. We continued to chat, talk online, text back and forth, phone calls and more! The more we talked, the more excited we got about summertime! We fell more deeply in love with each passing day. There were many spicy phone calls in which he wanted me to call him so he could give me permission to play with myself and so he could tell me "Cum for me slave!" Yes, this Man knows exactly how to handle me as newbie slave.

One day while we talked on yahoo messenger voice, he told me he couldn't handle our distance anymore. That it had become too hard and painful for him. I told that I couldn't handle it much either but we had to try to stay strong. Then he said, "I want you here before my birthday on April 4th." Oh boy, it was only 2 months away I told him. He started laughing and said "You’re good in counting." I said "Yes Master, i will be there before Your Birthday." He was happy!

I had to make everything possible in only two months! So for two straight months, I worked that much harder to save the money together for the airplane ticket and to have extra money with me. In the meantime, I gave all my furniture away to the Goodwill. I was very stressed all the time during those two months, counting my money to make sure I had enough for an airplane ticket. I ate as cheap as I could. I gave up my apartment and everything in Europe. My life had come to an end there! Nobody helped me. I did it all by myself!

I made it! That last night, we had our last online chat. My suitcase was packed and I sat in an empty house counting the hours away till it was my time to close the door behind me and say goodbye to my life in Europe! That last night, Master and I talked and He was excited and a little nervous too. I had my shower, was dressed and ready to go waiting for the taxi to arrive. We ended the call and I told him I would call him as soon I was on the bus that goes to the airport in Brussels, Belgium. It was 5 am in the morning when I arrived at the airport and my flight didn't leave till 11 am. I think I was afraid to be late. I checked in, my suitcase was stowed away and I sat at Gate 43 waiting for my departure time! The flights I had to take were, Brussels to Frankfurt, Frankfurt to Houston, TX and Houston, TX to Ontario, California. This was going to be a very long flight, a total of 23 hours.

I have found my Master

After I had my first phone call with the Man I didn't know, had only seen a picture of, and to whom I said for the first-time "Hello Master", I was so happy my stomach felt different that night! It was already late at night so I couldn't get back online to send Him a message to tell Him how much I appreciated our first voice contact. So I texted Him from my cellphone!
The next day, I went to the store and reloaded my cellphone and tried to connect to Facebook to see if that was working. It did and I was so happy that I was able to keep in contact with Him. Shortly afterwards, I got a cheap laptop that almost felt apart, so I could stay in the comfort of my own house and remain in contact with Him. Why I felt so close to Him, needing to have contact with Him, I still needed to figure out because I didn't know Him at all.

I kept in contact with Him through my cell phone while waiting for my own internet to be hooked up. Our conversations became longer and we also sent many messages back and forth online. We talked about everything; about myself, about Him and answered questions about what we both needed and was looking for. I felt like a little girl who had fallen in love with her first boyfriend.

Since that day, December 6, 2010, everything changed inside my head! My time schedule was all messed up because there was a 9 hours’ time difference between Europe and America. Did I mention I barely got any sleep? Just to watch Him posting something on His wall, and of course, to write Him as much as possible kept me awake!

Almost every day, I bought an overseas calling card to be able to call Him. The longer I could hear His strong voice, the bigger my happiness became! We laughed a lot too though, but we also had serious conversations about life, love, and the BDSM Lifestyle. He explained to me how He wanted to live the Lifestyle again because He missed it very much. He had been hurt too much before, so He was very cautious allowing somebody else back into His life!

I totally understood what He was talking about and how it felt to be hurt over and over again, so I told Him that I hope to make His pain softer even though we had only phone and online contact! I installed Yahoo messenger so we could have video voice contact, but my stupid cheap laptop didn't have a camera on it, so we stayed with only voice calls. They worked perfectly and we talked for many straight hours!

When He stopped working and parked, He always pulled out His laptop so He could make His voice calls to me. My laptop never closed down unless I was outside the house working. It was all so very new to me but exciting at the same time! He always made time for me to text and to let me call Him if He wasn't on His laptop. At times, it was hard for Him to contact me because He is a truck driver and would have low or no signal. When I didn't hear Him, I was sad and tears would run over my face. I wrote Him messages to His inbox to make myself feel better and more peaceful. The next time He could see them, He had a bunch of reading to do! Yea, I kept Him busy with my writing, but He loved it!

As the days passed by, our conversations increasingly became about the future, our future, because we had built up such a strong connection together. We started thinking about being with each other in real life. I remember I told Him a few times "I will start walking now so I can meet you" or "I will take a bicycle then I will be there shortly". Then He would say “How about the ocean?" Gosh I started laughing hard while I was trying to answer to answer His question with “oh I can swim it!" This Man was and still is so funny, He cracks me up often.

He asked me how it was in Europe and how things were going. I explained to Him that it was pretty cool and easy, and then He said "How about me moving out there to be with you?" For a second I was quiet, shocked, happy, excited, and thinking “Does He really mean this?” So I asked Him, what about your family, your friends, your work? I said that it would be amazingly awesome! I have internet now at home so you can keep in contact with everyone. But how are you going to do this? He answered back "I am old enough to do what I want, friends I don't really have and my family will understand". All I could say was are you serious? Do you really mean this? “Yes” He said, “I want to be happy with you and I will do anything it takes to be together with you." Oh I felt so happy, my whole world turned into a beautiful colorful flower bouquet! That this Man that I just know for less than a month, which I found online, is telling me that He would do anything to be with me!

He waited a little to tell His family because this whole situation was new for Him as well. He needed to get used to the idea, plus His other relationships had never worked out for Him. He was married twice before and both times, He ended up very hurt and disrespected! He had some girlfriends who didn't treat Him right and used Him. In His first lifestyle experience, He had 3 slaves and again, He ended up being disrespected. His last slave couldn't give Him what He wanted or needed! So yes, I totally understood why He needed to get used to the idea. He needed to feel inside His heart that I would never hurt Him! At that time, He was 46 years old and all he wanted was to be a happy peaceful Dominant who could live His life how He wanted and needed. I was submissive girl that wanted a Real Man, a Dominant, a Master with whom I could live with the way He wanted, full of love and peace in both our hearts and not ending up hurt again! Sounds understandable right? To us it did!

The moment i stopped wasting my life..

One day I was sitting on the couch watching TV. It was December 5th, 2010. I remember it like it was yesterday. I wasn't paying attention to the TV, because my mind was far away. Suddenly, I stood up and put my jacket on and walked outside to the internet cafe. I didn't have internet at that time in my house. So I went online checking out different pages and Facebook. With so many options online, I narrowed the choices down some by typing in BDSM and a whole list with pages popped up!

I sat back looking at the whole list, not knowing what to do. Which page do I click first? I was so excited and clicked on that only said "BDSM". The page had a conversation about "Switches” and I read the whole post, looking through all the comments that were given. There were many answers that I didn't understand at all! There was one little profile picture that popped out to me, personally, out of all the comments from over thirty different people. Something about this picture was "Wow" to me!

I clicked on the name attached to the picture after I saw that He was a Dominant. As I looked at the picture, my heart started beating faster, my blood was running through my veins, my soul, my head, my body all were alive just from the sight before me. I thought “My god what a special Man this is!” I knew He wasn't from Europe and lived in the USA. He was a little older than me, but I didn't care.

I sat down and thought now what? I clicked on messages. Should I or should I not? "Oh crazy girl just do it" I thought to myself. Nervously, I wrote him a nice friendly message asking how he was doing. I figured it's not going to hurt anyone right? I clicked on send and there it went, to the person I didn't know! I went back to that page and like some other posts and browsed more internet pages also before logging out.

The next day, after my house cleaning was finished, his picture popped in my head again. I went back to the same internet cafe, logged on Facebook and discovered a message from the man I had only seen in a little profile picture. I opened the message and read what he had written, wishing me a good day and saying He didn't know me! Lol, that's right, He didn't know me! I wrote Him back explaining a little about how I found His profile and mentioned the conversation I had read in which he had commented on. I also asked if He was a Master. I clicked send, logged out and went back home to cook.

Later that night, I went back online and another message from Him was waiting for me. He said that He is a Master and into the BDSM Lifestyle. We became friends and had many conversations back and forth via email. After long back and forth messages to each other, He told me "You only have to ask".

Without any thinking or hesitation, I asked Him "Will You be my Master?" He said yes and I have been his slave ever since. Oh my goodness, the feeling I had was getting harder and stronger. I couldn't hold it back anymore! Strange isn't it, that a person you don't know can inspire such strong and deep feelings? To me it is!

We exchanged phone numbers and I went right then to buy an overseas card to make my first phone call to Him. How am I going to do this? I am Dutch and now I need to speak English. I went home, sat down on the couch, and dialed His phone number. My nerves were shaking, my heart was beating fast, and I said "Hello Master" with big smile on my face!

Our journey into a BDSM relationship deepens and starts from our first voice conversation!

How i lived my life before i lived as a 24/7 BDSM Lifestyle

                   I would like to introduce myself first before I start writing on my Journal's. My name is slave Nalani. I was born and raised in Rotterdam, The Netherlands. I am 35 years and old lived my whole life in Europe before I moved to the United States of America 3years ago.

As child I was always by myself and didn't have any good friends. Maybe it was because I was different than most kids, which I now know that was the case.

Both of my parents worked, my father as cook and my mother in the fabric industry. At age of 16, I found myself alone, standing on my own two feet. From that point on, I looked at the world wondering how to make it through, because I didn't have my parents anymore. As time went by and I became older, my submissive feelings became stronger, especially when I looked at black leather items and when I started to watch some erotic things. It was very strange to me, but I do need to emphasize that I was perfectly comfortable with it and with who I was.

I went to the Erotic Expo and ended up in the special part of it called "The SM Area" in Europe. My eyes were focused on the girl who got candle wax poured over her body and I watched all of the stuff the Dominant did to her. I felt warm while looking at it, and thought to myself “Wow wish I was that girl!” From that moment I knew, I was positive about who I really was for all those years!

As I researched more into the Why's and the How's online, I came across lots of information that took time for me to realize that this was what I really needed. I mean did I really want those spankings? Do I really want to have a ball in my mouth or the burning wax on my body? Then I started thinking that yes, it is exactly what I want. Why would my body get warm from it and why would my blood start flowing faster through my veins if I didn't really need it?

So I started reading books online and watching movies. The more information I found, the happier I became! One story I was reading online was about a couple who lives as Master and slave and oh my goodness that was exciting! The woman slave was explained how much she enjoyed her lifestyle and how much she loved to get her playtime with her Master, who was also her Husband.

Every time I read those stories, I felt warm all over and so happy at the same time! The more I searched and tried to find answers, the more I knew I am a submissive girl. I started hoping to become as happy as all those people who wrote about their lives online and in books one day.

But unfortunately I lived without BDSM or happiness for many years and I ended up in the wrong type of marriage, where I felt miserable and not happy at all! I got a divorce after being mistreated for years and again found myself alone. I worked and moved on with my life alone, which was a very painful time. I had no one to share my thoughts with, no one to share my needs with. How long could I hold it together like that?

I made some friends during that time who were cool, or so I thought they were. We talked a lot and had some good conversations. I thought well you know what? Now is the time to tell them that there is something different about me, so I did! I told them I had special feelings inside me and that I wished I could let it all out. Of course they didn't know what I was talking about, so I told them that I am a submissive and that I hope to find a Real Man in my life who will be my Master. Man, I was so wrong for telling them. They laughed and made fun of me! They told me that they "can beat me up" and that I don't have to live this lifestyle telling "bring me a newspaper we spank you”. I wished I hadn’t opened my mouth, but I thought it was okay. I stopped them from making fun of me and distanced myself from them.

More time went by and there was still no one to share my feelings with and no one to give my gift of submission to. Was I going to end up by myself in this world? Am I that strange to people that they are afraid of me for being a submissive? Why do people not understand that this is what makes me happy, that this is what I need? I need to be dominated to be controlled. My body needs to be taken to that place that only I can feel.

Stay tuned for more.